Dear Turkish hotelier,

As a result of my work I spend far too many nights sleeping in hotels and I can certainly vouch for the quality of many of the places that I stay in, even though they rarely fall into the five-star luxury bracket. On the other hand there’s still too much that can go wrong.

I’m still reeling from the sign on the mirror in a purportedly four-star hotel, which read: “Dear Guest, Please don’t wipe your shoes on the curtains.” But that was Bingöl. Here, though, are a few pieces of advice for hoteliers everywhere culled from my own experiences: 

 Thank you for your attention. I look forward to staying with you in the future, Pat